In this installment of A Day In The Life, we follow Rick Sanchez, a scientist, and a mentor. We were lucky enough to catch a glimpse into the daily life of the enigmatic, often troubled personality that we have all come to know and love over the first three seasons of Adult Swim’s smash hit series, Rick and Morty. Before we begin, I believe it’s somewhat necessary to remind our readers that Rick is, in fact, a genius. Because of this, some of what you are about to read may be a bit shocking but is nonetheless still a worthwhile examination of one of today’s greatest minds at work in his natural environment. Join us as we explore exactly what makes Rick tick in what promises to be our most exciting chapter of A Day In The Life to date.
We began our day just after 11 am, in the garage of his family’s home, where we found Rick lying asleep in a pool of vomit. He stirred a bit and eventually worked his way up to his hands and knees. Wobbling, he began talking to himself in a sarcastic tone while still facing the floor.
“..and they all said (burp) you couldn’t do it. Well, you showed them, you really (burp) told them who’s what this time.” Then he reached into his jacket pocket and took a long drink from his flask.
I adjusted my collar and in the process, accidentally knocked one of the many empty beer bottles off of his workbench, and onto the ground. Rick turned to meet my worried gaze with one of his own and without hesitation sprung to his feet, grabbing another bottle and swiftly breaking the bottom end of it off on a stool to his side. I shouted, “I’m sorry!” as he slammed me up against the shelving on the wall, sending a box labeled “Time Travel Stuff” crashing to the concrete floor below. As he brandished the homemade weapon, it became painfully clear to me that he had absolutely no recollection of our phone call from the previous night. “Who sent you!? Tell me who sent you!” he shouted as I reminded him who I was and that I was writing a piece about him for Toynk Toys. “We set it up last night on the phone,” I said, trembling, as his expression changed from one of anger to one of confusion. He finally lowered the bottle and I breathed a sigh of relief that I was no longer about to be killed. Hopefully. Rick turned to walk away and stumbled on a piece of equipment that had fallen out of the box we had knocked over during our scuffle, at which point he shouted “Damn it! Look what you did. Morty, get in here!” There was no answer. He stormed into the house.
He wasn’t gone long before he returned with his grandson Morty in tow. As he dragged the seemingly unwilling Morty through the garage, bacon and fork still in hand, I could hear Rick continuing to complain about me, to himself I think.
“I can’t show up past ten thirty or the whole family has a (burp) meltdown but they have no problem casually letting some stranger into their home to watch me sleep like some kind of…” He and Morty disappeared through a portal before I could catch the word he was about to use to describe me, but my best guess is that it wasn’t flattering. Just like that, they were off to an unknown world for an undisclosed amount of time. I was left alone, jealous of what adventures the two of them might have been having, and still sitting in a cold garage that was starting to smell worse and worse like the remnants of whatever Rick had eaten for dinner the night before. I decided to venture back into the house and see if I could gather any insight from his family about the kind of person Rick really was. As I walked into the kitchen I encountered Rick’s daughter, Beth finishing up the dishes from a late Sunday breakfast. “Hi there. Where’s Rick?” she asked. I explained what had happened and she seemed to brush it off. “Yeah, he’s kind of unpredictable like that. But he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him. Really.” she said. I told her I was sure, and she left for work not long after.
About ten minutes later, Beth’s husband and Rick’s son in law Jerry walked in looking distressed. I said hello so as to make my presence known and not startle him like I had startled Rick. He looked up at me, stopped in his tracks and started shouting “Oh great! I should have known something was up when she said something would turn up. She just wanted me out of the house on the weekends so she could cheat on me!” He began sobbing and ran to his bedroom. I felt it necessary to assure him that I was there for Rick and that Beth and I were not having an affair. He seemed to be alright after that and between sobs and sharp nasal inhales, asked if I wanted to go golfing with him. I told him I was going to wait for Rick. He shouted “Fine!” and began crying again. I Figured I would try my luck in the backyard.
As I opened the sliding glass door to the backyard, I saw Rick’s granddaughter, Summer sitting in a lawn chair reading a textbook. I introduced myself but before I could even get my last name out she interrupted with “Let me guess. Rick invited you here last night, but when you got here, he had no idea who you were and now he’s gone?” I said “Yeah, actually. That’s exactly right. how did yo..” she interrupted again, “He does this like all the time. He gets super wasted with Bird Person, eats a ton of nightcrawlers, and then calls a bunch of obscure bloggers and journalists and tells them he’s finally ready to let the world know who the real Rick is. Then, when he wakes up and one of you is actually here, he rebuilds those emotional walls in a second and clams up just like his normal, cold self. Don’t feel too bad though. In a way, you kind of did get to meet the real Rick. It’s just that, sometimes the real Rick can be a real jerk.” Then she got up and headed toward the house. She stopped before going inside, turned and said, “They should be back soon though. If you, like, still wanted to try and get your story.”
It seemed futile, and the sun was already setting, but I had come this far and waited this long. What could a little bit longer hurt? I sat down on the couch next to Jerry, who was now wearing full golf apparel and watching past PGA tours he had taped on VHS to “practice” with. It wasn’t more than thirty minutes before Rick and Morty came strolling back in from the garage, both carrying large bags of coins, laughing and shouting about how the people of Alphabetrium are terrible at poker. As they walked toward the kitchen, Rick paused briefly to look in my direction and said, “Still here, huh?” He kept walking and I heard the slam of the refrigerator followed by the pop of a fresh bottle of beer. If I was going to catch him sober, I needed to act fast.
I rounded the corner into the kitchen and said “Hello.” He said “Hey.” so I asked if it was a good time to talk about what a typical day in his life looks like. He said, “Sure, you want to know what my average day is like? You really want to know?” I assured him that I did, and he said, “Lean in close, I don’t want my family to hear this.” I leaned in as he positioned himself to whisper to me but instead, he loudly belched, scattering still cold droplets of beer inside my ear and down the side of my neck. Then, laughing hysterically as I turned and made my way to the door, he shouted, “Wait, I’ve got the perfect headline for your story!” I knew he wasn’t serious, so I continued to see myself out without turning, but as I opened the door I heard a thunderous fart escape from his body, along with even louder laughter from not only Rick but also Morty, Beth, Summer and even Jerry. Then he said, “Sounds like front page material to me!” I don’t really know what I expected to get out of this. Thank you for reading.
By Bill L. Wallis